Mastering Social Skills in the Game of Dating
Having a strong set of social skills is a necessary part of your dating success as well as an overall progress in life. People do not appear in your world out of nowhere. You have to go out, meet them, and bring them into your life.
To what length you want to go for achieving this goal and developing your social skills – is totally up to you.
I will describe a kind of healthy middle way but feel free to adjust it to your own situation.
Make yourself a social butterfly or a monk who likes to meet some people sometimes.
All is good as far as you do conscious effort to socialize.
Becoming social person who can establish contact with any stranger easily was one of major reasons of my success. However, in the beginning it was not easy at all.
Since my teenage years I had a huge fear of approaching strangers and talking to people I did not know. It did not have to be face-to-face. Simple thought that I had to use the phone to call someone I did not know was already enough.
Once I knew that I had to initiate a conversation with a stranger or to speak in front of a group – my knees felt weak, my heart started to pump and I could not think of anything else.
It took me few years of conscious effort to come out of my comfort zone, face this fear and eventually erase it. All step by step. Read this article to find out how you can overcome the emotion of fear and successfully expand your comfort zone.
Many people underestimate the importance of so-called small talk. In fact, your social skills start with it. Make a habit to talk to a bus driver, a cashier, or a girl next to you in the ticket line…
In fact, talk to anyone you meet during a day. For some people this behavior is quite obvious and automatic but for me it took a few months of conscious effort to install and make it “mine.”
The society around us took its time to install in our subconscious a program called “be-like-others.” I bet that 99% of small-talk conversations people have are very generic.
This means they are build of certain beaten phrases that everyone uses without giving it a second thought. The same is true for dating and meeting women.
Ask any woman what’s the most common question she gets from guys and you will hear her answers about generic stuff such as ‘Do you come here often?” or some weather comment.
Step out of this vicious circle. Realize that those phrases call for the same generic response. They call for autopilot reactions. Which equals this – people will not remember you. Who wants to remember a grey mass with a grey question? Do you? I don't think so.
Instead, become authentic. Be original. There are things YOU MEAN and want to convey to others. It's not only about your social skills. Uncover your depth. There are real treasures that live under the layer of that grey, fake, and uninteresting shell that people tend to put on and use in daily communications with each other.
It can be a little thing but it comes from YOU. No boring "supposed-to-say-in-this-situation" phrases anymore.
So many men and women are too shy or simply too lazy to uncover those treasures. Make your communication including that same “small talk” to stand out by being sincere, positive, and humorous.
Many people who start developing their social skills put too much importance on any particular interaction. Don’t repeat this mistake. Learn to get yourself in a FLOW so you are NOT LOOKING FOR ANY REACTION in other people’s responses.
You simply walk through the world with ease expressing your friendliness, warmth, and positive state of mind.
Whenever you are in a place, where people are supposed to socialize and meet new people – go around and have a small talk with as many people as you can. Initially, do not stay longer then a couple of minutes. Leave conversation on a positive note.
Then go around for the second time. Now you will be meeting people you already know a bit through your previous interactions however short they were.
Believe it or now, but if you are just a friendly guy having fun, they will meet you as if you were their friend. Now you are not a stranger any more. Your second round is already a friendly chat with your new acquaintances.
Again, do not expect anything from your interactions. Just learn to approach a group of strangers and have a brief positive conversation.
After a very short while, you will start noticing how after a couple of such talks your mood changes into positive and happy.
This tactic will hugely increase your social value within any group. Introduce people to each other. Make a complimentary intro for everyone.
Even if you have just met those people – introducing them to another group you recently met will do you more good then you can imagine. Do it and see how women will react to you afterwards.
You will be positively surprised to say at least. This is something definitely worth trying.
There is much more to say on the subject of social skills, social value, and interpersonal communication. I zoom into those subjects during my seminars and workshops.
However, if you carefully read and apply the above – it will be a great start that can bring you very far in creating and sustaining meaningful connections with a great variety of people including intelligent and attractive women.