Understand Infidelity And Eliminate It From Your Life
I say – NO WAY! Can’t happen, there’s no room for this in my life. Gone with the… old social paradigm.
Infidelity is a wide spread phenomenon all over the world. It is also known as “cheating” or “adultery”.
All explanations of it refer to the basic difference in male and female needs within the marriage.
Usual advice in case of cheating spouse boils down to tactical changes. Re-arranging existing pieces on the board and trying to win the game.
For example spicing up marriage by two of you having sex in unusual places or buying a new set of lingerie and seducing your partner like it used to be in the beginning. All that may help for a month or two but then the issue comes back.
Heavy discussions, suspicions, and induction of guilt feelings just keep following each other.
What can you do?
Real elimination of infidelity, avoiding breakup and not having cheating spouse (partner) ever again is only possible by stepping back and revising the fundamentals of monogamy and marriage.
You were born into the idea of monogamy. This was not your conscious choice. Society installed that piece of software along with many others. Now it’s time to debug operating system called Your Brain.
Men and women get married and few years later they get divorced. They are keeping monogamy frame every time for shorter and shorter while. Infidelity has become too familiar to them.
Is there a day in sight when they will stop and ask themselves this question: "May be it's not just "tough luck" in finding a right person but the whole idea behind it that needs to be adjusted?"
Review monogamy paradigm critically as an independent adult and decide whether it will work for you or not.
Read this piece on social programming to find out what kind of ideas you were introduced to long before you could assess things critically. Watch movie "The Matrix" if you have not seen it yet.
Usually people limit themselves to "EITHER/OR" choice. Their thinking goes like this: “I am not having my emotional or sexual needs met within this marriage. So what can I do?”
Option 2. You can choose to breakup with your current partner and go find somebody else.
I was having this "EITHER/OR" situation for many years before I finally found an answer to this dilemma. There is a way to eliminate the very possibility of infidelity far in advance.
So how about finding THIRD ALTERNATIVE SOLUTION, which will ALLOW YOU TO ENJOY EACH OTHER FOR YEARS TO COME and to fulfill most (if not all) of your emotional needs? This step requires being open-minded or at least moving towards it.
Interesting fact: I spoke to many women who left their partners after finding out about partner’s infidelity. I asked them all the same question: “What if you would enter that relationship on terms that would allow both of you to see other people? Would THAT keep your relationship alive until now?”
Vast majority said “Yes.”
They all mentioned one condition though: those principles should be discussed from the very beginning. Almost from the first date so to speak.
So here is the blueprint for eliminating infidelity right from the start.
You can write points below on a piece of paper then sit down and work them through together.
Before making any commitment you sit down and talk to your partner about the following:
2) Find out if you are going to be together by YOUR OWN conscious choice.
3) Realize that you did not consciously choose monogamy. Society made you believe that one person should fulfill ALL your needs and desires. This is just not the case.
4) Consider a possibility of exploring different relationships with different people. Those may be relationships of any kind: sexual, spiritual, emotional.
5) As a consequence you realize that there is no guarantee that your relationship will hold in a modern world. The only thing you can do is to be grateful for the day that passed.
Bottom line? No externally imposed rules and regulations can hold two people together in a modern world. Paradoxically, when you give each other full trust and necessary freedom your relationship has a lot more chances to live happily ever after.