Understand Infidelity And Eliminate It From Your Life

Infidelity... Your sweetheart is cheating on you… Is this your partner's issue or yours?

I say – NO WAY! Can’t happen, there’s no room for this in my life. Gone with the… old social paradigm.

Infidelity is a wide spread phenomenon all over the world. It is also known as “cheating” or “adultery”.

All explanations of it refer to the basic difference in male and female needs within the marriage.

According to statistics, primary reason for men’s cheating is sex. For women sex is NOT a primary factor. Their #1 reason is emotional connection. This is particularly true for women over the age of 30.

Usual advice in case of cheating spouse boils down to tactical changes. Re-arranging existing pieces on the board and trying to win the game.

For example spicing up marriage by two of you having sex in unusual places or buying a new set of lingerie and seducing your partner like it used to be in the beginning. All that may help for a month or two but then the issue comes back.

Heavy discussions, suspicions, and induction of guilt feelings just keep following each other.

What can you do?

"We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them." Albert Einstein

Real elimination of infidelity, avoiding breakup and not having cheating spouse (partner) ever again is only possible by stepping back and revising the fundamentals of monogamy and marriage.

You were born into the idea of monogamy. This was not your conscious choice. Society installed that piece of software along with many others. Now it’s time to debug operating system called Your Brain.

Being together now is not what it used to be 30 years ago. Nevertheless, people are still blindly using relationship models, which are outdated. Very few people make effort, really think through the basics, and examine paradigms that were fed to them since their birthdays.

Men and women get married and few years later they get divorced. They are keeping monogamy frame every time for shorter and shorter while. Infidelity has become too familiar to them.

Is there a day in sight when they will stop and ask themselves this question: "May be it's not just "tough luck" in finding a right person but the whole idea behind it that needs to be adjusted?"

Review monogamy paradigm critically as an independent adult and decide whether it will work for you or not.

Read this piece on social programming to find out what kind of ideas you were introduced to long before you could assess things critically. Watch movie "The Matrix" if you have not seen it yet.

Usually people limit themselves to "EITHER/OR" choice. Their thinking goes like this: “I am not having my emotional or sexual needs met within this marriage. So what can I do?”

And indeed, what are alternatives here for a monogamous person?

Option 1. You can continue suppressing your needs, desires, and keep unhappy living just as you did until now.

  • Negative emotions and resentment towards another partner will inevitably grow until there will be an explosion. Loosing any interest in sex or any other activity is also a direct consequence of such a choice.
  • At the same time, you may secretly start an affair. That is how infidelity enters people’s lives.

Option 2. You can choose to breakup with your current partner and go find somebody else.

  • Quite a few people decide to do that. In fact, both options are not very desirable particularly if you have little children.

I was having this "EITHER/OR" situation for many years before I finally found an answer to this dilemma. There is a way to eliminate the very possibility of infidelity far in advance.

So how about finding THIRD ALTERNATIVE SOLUTION, which will ALLOW YOU TO ENJOY EACH OTHER FOR YEARS TO COME and to fulfill most (if not all) of your emotional needs? This step requires being open-minded or at least moving towards it.

Interesting fact: I spoke to many women who left their partners after finding out about partner’s infidelity. I asked them all the same question: “What if you would enter that relationship on terms that would allow both of you to see other people? Would THAT keep your relationship alive until now?”

Vast majority said “Yes.”

They all mentioned one condition though: those principles should be discussed from the very beginning. Almost from the first date so to speak.

So here is the blueprint for eliminating infidelity right from the start.

You can write points below on a piece of paper then sit down and work them through together.


Before making any commitment you sit down and talk to your partner about the following:

1) First of all you agree to be very honest with each other. I think honesty is crucial element of any happy fulfilling relationship.

  • Open-mindedness, honesty, and compassion will take you a long way towards happiness in your intimate life.

2) Find out if you are going to be together by YOUR OWN conscious choice.

  • Be sure none of you is doing it for pleasing a third party (parents, friends, etc.)

3) Realize that you did not consciously choose monogamy. Society made you believe that one person should fulfill ALL your needs and desires. This is just not the case.

  • Step back from this myth for a second and see it for what it is: a story that guarantees frustration and unhappiness.
  • You both agree that in some areas of your life you are fully compatible and in others you are not. That means that after a while some of your emotional, physiological, or other needs will not be met within this particular relationship.
  • Let go of the myth that you will be 100% sexually and otherwise compatible with your partner. It’s not a requirement, it’s not reasonable. It’s extremely rare.

4) Consider a possibility of exploring different relationships with different people. Those may be relationships of any kind: sexual, spiritual, emotional.

  • You agree to be completely open and honest and when such an issue will rise up you will discuss it and let your partner go outside of your relationship and look for the fulfillment.
  • Be ready to communicate a lot, to listen and to try to stand in your partner’s shoes. Non-judgmental approach is the key here. You might need more discussions than one on the same subject.
  • The type of relationship I describe can give you more freedom, explore yourself, your sexuality, and challenge society expectations.
  • Redefine relationship, commitment, partnership, fidelity, and infidelity on YOUR OWN TERMS. Eliminate infidelity out of your life.
  • Regarding sexual side of things, your partner may want to know all in detail or they don’t want to know nothing about it. In any case, you should respect your partner's choice.

5) As a consequence you realize that there is no guarantee that your relationship will hold in a modern world. The only thing you can do is to be grateful for the day that passed.

  • You both understand what jealousy is. Think it through and realize that it is simply another useless emotion. Start overcoming it step by step. I go deeper into “how-to” part during my seminars.

Bottom line? No externally imposed rules and regulations can hold two people together in a modern world. Paradoxically, when you give each other full trust and necessary freedom your relationship has a lot more chances to live happily ever after.

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