Feeling Unable To Have Healthy Relationships? Afraid To Go “Crash and Burn” Yet Again?

Do happy, fulfilling, healthy relationships elude you? May be there is something unconsciously encrypted into you that makes you "destined" for a failure? Consider unplugging yourself from social programming.

What is it? A kind of invisible web surrounding you from the very first moment you are born. It serves many noble purposes and allows us to live secure and comfortable lives as we do now.

However, its role concerning healthy relationships, dating, and sexuality is rather negative and oppressive.

When it comes to love and sexual relationships society prescribes certain rules and expectations.

Those rules are quite rigid and do not make things easier for both sexes.

  • Rules prescribe exactly how each person should behave in each case. For example, approaching stranger in public is universally strongly discouraged. Meeting should take place in specifically designated areas such as clubs and bars.
  • Rules also dictate how many weeks/months you should see each other before your relationship could be called “serious.”
  • Rules dictate how often you can see each other at every stage of your relationship.
  • Can any really healthy relationship develop and grow under such pressure?

  • Rules tell exactly how a “slut” behaves and what a “good” girl is.
  • Rules prescribe very clearly what kind of sexual behavior is "normal" and what behavior should be seen as "weird" or "strange" (ex., BDSM, fetish, or swinging).
  • Rules also prescribe the way you express your feelings for each other. They tell you exactly what behavior is most appropriate for each stage of any given "healthy relationship".

In addition to all those "basic" rules there is fundamental one:

  • Society teaches us that relationship only happens between TWO people. It convinces you that sex, emotional connection, bonding, and all other beautiful things that belong to love and romance may take place only between two people at any given moment.

In spite of the overwhelming evidence in the world around us that monogamy is not working – society keeps reinforcing this doctrine with all available media communication channels.

Movies, magazines, books, news - all tell you the same story.

They convince you that there will be ONE person with whom you want to spend all your time for the next 50 years of your life.

In addition to being your total sexual match, that person is going to be excellent company, good father, understanding friend, in many cases also a social circle replacement, good communicator, wise teacher, solid financial institution, and decent psychologist.

This picture of "the ONE" is installed from very early age and almost no one thinks it through. This is one of the reasons so many relationships and marriages break within no time.

Society tells you that all your needs: emotional, sexual, spiritual will be met with just ONE person AND within a monogamous relationship.

How realistic is this statement? It is so far from the truth that that 4 out of 7 marriages are ending in divorce and out of those left 75% are having infidelity issues.

People become “serial monogamous”. This means to satisfy society standards they officially leave one relationship and begin another. However, second marriages fall apart with scary 80% divorce rate.

To be happy and have healthy relationships you have to let go of what you think you are supposed to believe and decide for yourself what constitutes for you an "ideal relationship."

Some of your emotional needs and desires cannot be met within traditional marriage or partnership and it’s perfectly ok. Allow you and your partner to be flexible and base your model on happiness and fulfillment and not on fear and scarcity.

May be sooner or later, you will come to the model where you have more than one partner. And so will your partner if s/he so desires.

Be honest with each other; realize what jealousy is – just an emotion. Rather useless in most cases.

However, modern society reinforces and encourages jealousy and competitiveness. Doing so, it promotes scarcity mentality, the mentality of “there is not enough in this world” and “others are going to get you.”

In fact if you really love your partner then you also are committed to his or her growth. Thus, everything that enriches your partner’s life should please you.

Love, Honesty, Open Communication, and Trust are four basic elements of your happiness in ANY relationship.

Scared? If someone screws up your trust and honesty – it only tells everything about him or her. You can continue on your path and find someone who is worthy of being with you.

If s/he lives up to your trust and expectations then - congratulations! – you found a friend and ally for life, who knows….

Related Articles:

Female Sexuality - Newly Acknowledged and Celebrated.

Threesome Sex - Rules of Engagement.

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